Cathance

Although I said that I think an hourlong run can soothe stress and worry, the reality is that I run better when I am happy. Stress and anxiety don't fuel my desire to run like they do for others. When my head gets too full, I just want to shut down. The idea of 4 hours out in the woods with only my own thoughts to keep me company just doesn't sound appealing. Wednesday, Ryan lost his job, unexpectedly, with the company doing some downsizing, and while I am hopeful and think that in the end, it will work out for the best, I am also feeling panicky and very anxious. I know that we are lucky to have this be the first time we've had to deal with a layoff, but frankly it's kind of terrifying. In any event, it's been a bit stressful here and this morning, I seriously did not have my head on straight.

The plan was for 20+ but there was just no way that was happening. Ryan thought I should just skip the run, but I knew in the end that would make me feel worse. So I settled on a short-long run out to Head of Tides, taking my time and trying to get my thoughts to settle without letting them overwhelm me. Feeling how I do is not wrong, these feelings are valid, so I'm trying to acknowledge them but then let the panic go and move on. I am an optimistic person by nature, mostly because I know I feel better when I don't let sadness or fear or anxiety overwhelm me; the world is not a perfect place and things don't always have a fairytale ending, but for me, it's so much better to focus on what IS good and what I DO have in life. So this morning, I let my feelings wash over me, thought them through, and then chose to focus on enjoying the sun shining through the clouds, the late autumn colors and the roaring river as I ran 13 leafy miles on the trails near home. I didn't solve all the world's problems, and I didn't come up with an immediate solution to any of this, but I did take a deep breath and breathe in the autumn air and come away feeling a bit more calm and peaceful. And for that, I am grateful.

Late autumn reflections

Roaring river

I love the way the winterberry pops at this time of year! So colorful!

Ryan and Sam's jack o'lantern creation, mustache and all! :)