Expectations

You know when you have this idea in your head of how it's going to be and it just doesn't happen that way. Yeah, well, that's my running right now. I realize that this is a seriously first world problem, but I have high expectations of myself and right now I am not meeting them. I had this idea that after the 100, I'd take a few weeks off and then probably would feel kind of tired and tight for a few weeks, but would bounce back around 6 weeks like everyone said I would and be able to just get right back into it.

I can't say that has happened for me. I took a few weeks off and then got back to running, keeping the mileage low, but ended up with this silly tight glute/hip flexor which has put a serious damper on things. Oh, it could be worse for sure, but it still kind of has sucked the joy out of running for me recently. And I know everyone is different, and perhaps for me, recovery is just a longer process, but I so wish it wasn't. I want to be running freely and happily again, I want to feel strong, I want to feel like I'm ready to tackle a training plan again, but instead I feel like it's still a bit of a struggle to even get myself out the door. I want to be motivated, but the darkness, the dreariness, this bizarre weather, the fact that I haven't felt so great running makes it harder. Logically, I know things will come around, that running, like life, is made up of peaks and valleys, and I just had a pretty big peak so the reality is that this is probably a comparable low to go along with it. I am sure I will climb up and out the other side and get back into a routine and a rhythm soon enough, that nothing is ever perfect and that is what makes life, and running, so interesting. Of course I know this, but I still have that little expectation in my head and so, I feel a bit dreary. Just being honest here.

Last weekend was lots of fun and running felt good. You would have thought it would have motivated me to keep it up this week, but again, I kind of fell short. Monday was a planned zero, but Tuesday I intended to get out. Except that I had no true motivation to get out and run in the dark and rain. Wednesday I did manage to get out of bed, heading out at 5:45 am to run 6 miles on the cart paths. Everything was a bit icy, with the pavement covered in a thin glaze of ice and a lot of slipping and sliding on the shallow puddles along the cart path. Still, I had a view of the very pretty early morning sky and was happy to have gotten out. I intended to do more of the same yesterday, but again, I just didn't have the umph for a rainy, 40 degree morning run.

So today, instead of prying myself out of bed for a run in the dark again, I decided to just say to heck with the long to-do list, and run after dropping Sam off at school. Will there be a clean house tonight? Perhaps... Did the run get done, though? Yes ;)  I ran out through the Commons and down to the edge of the ocean along the Coleman Farm trails. Everything was very squishy and a bit slippery, but as always, the ocean viewpoint does not disappoint, even on a drab day.

This is the first 10 mile run I've done since the 100. Hip flexor was a bit tight and my legs do not feel like they have a lot of speed but it was great to get out in the daylight on some of the trails I love, and enjoy a "long" run. I'm thinking of taking the approach of a wise Jedi, who told me last weekend that it doesn't work to take time off, or just run 20 miles a week, you just have to keep on chugging and it will get better. So cheers to that and the hope that I'll continue to move closer to my expectations as we head into the new year.