August 1 - Ryan chimes in from NC

August 1, 2005
Ryan:
So, how does it feel when your dream dies? Honestly, pretty crappy. How does it feel when you've crushed someone else's dream? Even crappier. We dreamt of hiking 2,174.9 miles in one season. We disrupted our lives and took a risk to do so. We fell short. Why? Because my body fell apart. Not the way we planned it.
We're in North Carolina at Danielle's parents' house relaxing and picking up our car. We're going to hit the road tomorrow to head north, visit my parents and start anew. With a few days to reflect on the last four months, it's been a roller coaster. I'm so proud of what we accomplished, and I'm so amazed by all the people we met and friends we made...but, I feel empty, unfulfilled. We didn't make it to Katahdin, and that hurts. It's my fault, that hurts even more. In the back of my mind, I keep thinking that I'll see a doctor this week, he'll hand me the magic pill, and we'll be back hiking again. Not likely. Right now, my back hurts. It's tight and sore, but I'm certain that I can straighten that out. My feet, honestly, I think are kind of screwed up. My right foot especially is in bad shape. Who knew that all that walking with a pack would do such a thing? That bit of info definitely was not in the brochure. And because of all this...um...discomfort, I'm relieved. I'm glad to not be hiking. I know that my body is happy, and that it's ready to get fixed. Then, I look at Danielle. She so badly wanted to thruhike. I couldn't go with her. That's what hurts the most.
Here's the good news: we're ready to move on...or, we are moving on. It still hurts, and we're still sad. But best of all, we're still together. Everyone said that this hike would make us or break us as a couple. But, I don't really think it did either. We're definitely not broken, and we're definitely not defined by it. It was just four months of our time together. It was the best four months. I learned so much about myself and about us. In short, we can get through anything...whatever the outcome. I'm not sure we would have learned that if we had made it to Katahdin. Sure, it would have been nice to have finished on a high note, but I think in the coming days, weeks, months and years, we will look back on these four months and 1500 miles as a time that really brought us together and made us realize that we need each other more than we ever knew. She's my best friend, adventure partner, and a whole lot more.
So, look for us on the coast of Maine...in the woods, on the trails, and in the snow. Or look for us in other far flung and different places. For instance, the Long Trail is only about 270 miles...