July 28 - the end of the line for 2005

July 28, 2005 | Day 123 | Miles: 1.2 | Total Miles: 1516.8
End: Mim's house, Williamstown, MA
Danielle:
Sunny and nice
This is a really sad entry to write. We have decided that today was the end of our journey on the AT for this season.
My parents dropped us off at the road this morning and after only a mile Ryan's back was hurting already. We sat on a big rock and decided enough was enough. Despite our mixed emotions and desire to be "thruhikers" and hike the whole trail in one season, it is not worth it if Ryan would be miserable every day and hurting all the time. What if it was permanent damage? Would the end be worth it? We decided not. This was a really hard thing to decide upon. How could we stop? We had made it so far, and been enjoying the journey so much... And yet, again, was it worth it? I really really wanted to finish atop Katahdin this year, but not without Ryan, and not with a Ryan who would be hurting himself more if he continued. What I really want most is to be with him and have us be happy. And this decision, while at this point being an extremely sad one, is the right one and will allow us to continue to get out and explore and hike and ski in all the years to come. I couldn't handle it if we couldn't do that. And if the journey becomes one in which all you wish is for it to be over, for the pain to stop, then at some point you have to listen to your body, and we needed to listen to his.
We've given it our best shot. We went after our dream. We made it over 1500 miles and that is something to be proud of. I am so proud of Ryan, pushing on through a lot more pain than I've had the past four months. He is one tough guy, and I am lucky to have him as my best friend and hiking partner. Yes, this is not how we would have wanted it to end, but life is like that. The trail will be there. We will finish off the next 660 miles over the next few years, and when we finish it will still be an accomplishment. Not what we had originally intended, but ours just the same...
We will never regret or forget our experience on the trail this year. All the people we met, all our trail friends and the ways people in the trail community opened their arms to us and helped us out. All our friends and family who have been so wonderful in their support and encouragement throughout this experience. I feel a bit that we have let you down, not making it to the end, but please understand that this decision was what we decided was best, although in our hearts we wish to remain on the trail... We will miss it.
But really this is not the end. It is the beginning of a new chapter for us. For new experiences and adventures. And despite all that, the trail will always be there, and we will be sure to walk it again soon, for it is part of us now and we still have miles to walk (eventually) :-)

Ryan, July 28, 2005
sunny, warm
well, this is not how we scripted it. we were supposed to end our trip on to of katahdin, not on a rock outside of great barrington, ma. but, my back says it's time to call it quits. not an easy decision, but it was an easy decision. we hit the trail at about 8:45 this morning with only a couples pounds in our packs. my back started to hurt after about a mile, and i knew that it was the end. nothing really meaningful or thought provoking to say right now...just sad. sad, but relived. my back isn't the only thing that hurts. but, without going into a litany of injuries, aches and pains, let's just say that my body has had enough. and, i can't spend any more mental energy pushing it...i've been doing that for too long now. the heart wants to keep going, but the current and potential future pain is too much. so, i'm relived. plus, the thought of katahdin was becoming more of a relief than a celebration. really, we just wanted to be finished. not this way, but finished. of course, i feel guilty for ending danielle's trip. we both know that she could finish. but, i can't convince her to go on without me...plus, she never learned to use the stove. we set out on this together, and i know if the foot was on the other shoe, i would be right beside her. and, as always, she was strong again today. so, we're done. today was the last time we sat in the trail and cried...it sure wasn't the first, but this one was the last. but, we're not done yet! we still have 600 plus miles to finish and we'll get them eventually...slowly...year after year. the trail doesn't care, the trail never cared, but we're going to finish. we'll get to katahdin. but, more importantly, we'll do a lot of other things together. i'll get my back fixed, and we'll be out doing more crazy things...for a long time. what it really boils down to is that we gave it a shot. we didn't just talk about it. we took a risk. and, despite not reaching that pile of rocks on maine, it was a great choice. it was a great trip, and i'm proud of the 1500 plus miles we walked together. and, i wouldn't trade any of it...well, maybe most of pa. pa sucks. thanks to every single person who touched our lives along the way and helped us get a few steps further. and thanks to everyone who has been reading our daily babble...sorry, we had to cut it short by a couple months. but, most of all i have to thank danielle, sparkplug...she's tough. grrr...
today's song - don't dream it's over, crowded house