Peace, and a few miles

I've come to peace with the fact that I won't be running 50 miles at Pineland next month. I've been thinking about it for a while now, and just decided I should get on with it and say it and be done with it. I don't think my heart was ever really into running 3 laps around the Pineland course in the first place, even though it seemed the logical thing to do, what with my extra time to train over the winter and the fact that the race takes place only a 1/2 hour from our house. And without the deep-rooted desire regarding Pineland, I just never willed myself into the necessary training this winter. I had the "free" time, I just didn't take it. And so, I am just not ready to tackle 50 miles. Oh, I do want to run a 50, but I think I may have to wait a few years. Either that, or find a 50 that truly compels me to put in the training time.

The reason I feel it will have to wait is simply this: at this point, with my work schedule and with Sam, I am not willing to give up 5 to 7, or maybe more, hours a weekend to run. Saturdays are out - I'm working. Sundays are our only day all together, and while Ryan, as a running spouse, is super understanding of my need to get in my long runs, I don't want to miss all my time with the two of them on Sunday. It simply does not seem fair. To any of us. A few Sundays here and there, fine, but not all. Plus Ryan needs the chance to run too! And then Monday, my second "weekend" day, is spent with Sam, and I don't have the time to get in a really long run, especially now that her napping is so spotty. I could get up at 0'dark thirty and run, I suppose, but Sam doesn't sleep well most nights, so neither do I. Which means I need to sleep when I can :-) I know there are parents who manage to train for long ultras despite all the obstacles listed above (and many more), and yes, these things may all be construed as excuses by some, but they are mine, and they are real to me.

I sometimes wish I had taken up ultra-running way back when, when I didn't have a child, had no weekend commitments, and therefore had so much less guilt. I could have run to my heart's content! But then again, Ryan and I got in a lot of great hiking and peakbagging and backpacking in our early years together, all of which led to our AT adventure, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Even if I'm not doing 50 next month, I'm sure I'll end up running at Pineland but whether 25k or 50k is yet to be decided. That will just have to wait until after TARC.

So, with that, I'm gathering all my energy to run well on Saturday. I feel relatively well prepared, having put in some pretty good mileage compared to training for other marathons/50ks I've run, and I'm looking forward to racing and seeing a lot of Trail Monsters out there this weekend! Here's hoping for fast trail conditions and happy, snappy legs for us all :-)

~

Snuck in a few more miles this morning, running a quick 3 miles around the Highland Green loop. Still feeling a bit tired though, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a good night's sleep tonight. Maybe I should do some sort of sleep dance to get the stars in alignment... or if anyone knows how to reason with a 2 1/2 year old regarding sleep, let me know! :-)